Typical High School Senior Lyrics

	Wilson-Shears:
Hi. I’m Dale Wilson-Shears,
President of the Young American Miss Foundation with a public service message from our National Headquarters in Baton Rouge, Louisiana.
I’d like to urge your local group to become a part of the Young American Miss Experience,
thus joining thousands of Jaycees, Elks, Lions, Bears, Kiwanians, Mystics, and Rotarians, nationwide. What is a young American Miss?
	Video Girl #1:
Gosh… Just real average, you know.
	Video Girl #2:
Ordinary, really.
	Video Girl #3
America’s future.
	Three girls: 
SHE'S A TYPICAL HIGH SCHOOL SENIOR
SHE IS THOUGHTFUL AND BRIGHT AND CLEAN
	Sandra Kay: 
SHE IS CARING AND KIND
	Shawn:
SHE READS BOOKS TO THE BLIND
	Heidi:
SHE'S NO OLDER THAN SEVENTEEN
	Sandra-Kay:
AND SHE USUALLY WORKS ON YEARBOOK
	Shawn:
WHILE MAINTAINING A THREE POINT O
	All three:
SHE'S ATTRACTIVE AND SMART,
WITH AN OUTGOING HEART
AND A VISIBLE YOUTHFUL GLOW
SHE IS EAGER TO PLEASE,
YES IN SUMMARY SHE'S
THE MOST TYPICAL GIRL YOU KNOW
	Wilson-Shears
There’s one in every community. A girl who reaches for the stars, yet keeps here tennis shoes firmly planted in the rich soil of American tradition.
	Valerie:
SHE'S A MEMBER OF STUDENT COUNCIL
	Cookie:
SHE'S A MEMBER OF F.T.A.
	Connie-Sue:
AND YA CAN'T HELP BUT FEEL
IN A MONTH OR TWO SHE'LL
GET THE LEAD IN THE SENIOR PLAY.
	Valerie, Cookie, Connie-Sue, and Dana
JUST A TYPICAL HIGH SCHOOL SENIIOR
IN THE LAND OF THE BRAVE AND FREE
	Valerie:
AND YOU'LL KNOW HER AS SOON AS YOU'VE SEEN HER
	Dana:
SHE'S SORT OF ALOT LIKE ME
	All four
JUST A TYPICAL HIGH SCHOOL SENIOR
	Valerie
WHO PUTS RUM IN HER COKES
	Shawn
AND FREQUENTLY SMOKES
	Valerie and Shawn:
BUT NOT IN FRONT OF HER FOLKS
	All seven
LIKE ME!
AND SHE'S GOIN' TO SANTA ROSA,
WHERE THEY GATHER TO PICK THE BEST
YES, SHE'S GOIN' TO SANTA ROSA
TO COMPETE AGAINST THE WHOLE DARN WEST
WHEN I GET THERE TO SANTA ROSA
GONNA GIVE 'EM A GREAT BIG GRIN
GONNA GIGGLE AND POSE
GONNA SHOW OFF M'CLOTHES
GONNA TRY AND WHO KNOWS?
I MIGHT WIN.
	Wilson-Shears
How will you find her?
Well, when you send us your entrance fee, we’ll send you a modern video-cassette entitled The Local Pageant and How to Stage It.
Your pageant will be full of entertainment and inspiration.
For nothing brings greater joy to the real Young American Miss-than the joy of bringing joy to those around her.
	Gina
WELL, HER HOBBY IS GELPING OTHERS
ALWAYS READY TO SAY “I CARE”
	Patti-Lynn
WHEN CALAMITY STRIDES
	Kimberly
WHEN KIDS FALL OFF THEIR BIKES
	Gina, Kimberly, and Patti-Lynn
YOUR AMERICAN MISS IS THERE
	Trudi
SHE’S WON SEVEN FOUR-H BLUE RIBBONS
	Kate
SHE’S A HOSPITAL VOLUNTEER
	Gina
SHE FEELS BAD FOR THE POOR
	Kimberly
SHE HATES NUCLEAR WAR
	Patti-Lynn
FURTHERMORE SHE DOES NOT DRINK BEER
	Six Girls
SHE’S THE TYPICAL HIGH SCHOOL SENIOR
	DebraLee
THE BLOND OR BRUNETTE
	Kate
THE DRUM MAFORETTE
	Kimberly
WITH THE GREAT SILHOUETTE
	All thirteen
RIGHT HERE!
	Girls
AND SHE’S GOIN’ TO SANTA ROSA
WHERE THEY GATHER TO GIVE THE TEST
YES, SHE’S GOIN’ TO SANTA ROSA
TO COMPETE AGAINST THE WHOLE DARN WEST
YES I’M GOIN’ TO SANTA ROSA
GIVIN’ OUT AND I WON’T GIVE IN
WHEN THEY START KEEPIN’ SCORE
GONNA GIVE ‘EM SOME MORE
CAUSE THERE’S ONE THING FOR SURE
I MIGHT WIN!
	Trudi
I’m not going
	Mother
Of course you’re going. You’re Miss Modesto. You won the local pageant
	Trudi
I was the local pageant. Nobody else entered.
	Heidi:
Daddy, don’t eat that!
	Daddy
Why not?
	Heidi
That’s my talent!
	Brother(Freddy)
Sandra-Kay!
	Sandra-Kay
I’m not packed!
	Brother
Yo’ve been packing since May.
	Shawn
Were the hell did I put it?
	Trudi
I am not gonna wear it.
	Shawn
Now I know it was here. Did I throw it away?
	Girls
SHE HAS STYLE, BUT HER TASTES ARE SIMPLE
	Valerie
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY RALPH LAUREN?
	Trudi
MOM, IT MAKES ME LOOK FAT!
	Mother
BUT IT MATCHES THE HAT
	Trudi
COULD WE NOT GO THROUGH THAT AGAIN?
	Daddy
HERE’S THE PHONE, SAY GOODBYE TO GRANDMA
	Heidi
BYE!
	Mother
FIX YOUR HAIR, STAND UP STRAIGHT
	Trudi
YES MA’AM
	Sandra-Kay
IS MY SNOOPY DOG PACKED?
	Valerie
SHIT! MY FINGERNAIL CRACKED!
	Shawn
WHERE THE HELL IS MY DIAPHRAGM?
	All
SHE’S A TYPICAL HIGH SCHOOL SENIOR
SHE LIKES MUSIC AND RT AND SPORTS
	Trudi
MOTHER, STOP MAKING SCENES!
	Mother
DID YOU HAVE TO WEAR JEANS?
WHEN I BOUGHT YOU THOSE CUTE NEW SHORTS!
	All
SHE’S A PERFECTLY GROOMED YOUNG LADY
	Trudi
MOM, I HEATE THE BARRETTES!
	Mother
KEEP STILL.
	Heidi
HOW MUCH WEIGHT DID I GAIN?
	Father
THERE YA GO, THAT’S THE PLANE!
	Shawn
WHY’D I EVER GET OFF THE PILL?
	All
WELL, SHE’S NERVOUS, ALRIGHT
BUT SHE’S MADIN’ HER FLIGHT
CALL YA SATURDAY NIGHT-
SATURDAY NIGHT-
SATURDAY NIGHT-
I WILL!
	Girls
AND SHE’S GOIN’ TO SANTA ROSA 
REPRESENTING HER TOWN WITH PRIDE
IT’S A LONG WAY TO SANTA ROSA
BUT SHE’S READY FOR THE AIRPLANE RIDE
YES, SHE’S GOIN’ TO SANTA ROSA
SORTA SCARED BUT SHE STILL CAN’T WAIT
TO ARRIVE UP IN SANTA ROSA
FORTY MILES ABOE THE GOLDEN GATE
AND SHE’S GOIN’ TO SANTA ROSA
THOUGH SHE’S NEVER BEEN THERE BEFORE
AND SHE KNOWS UP IN SANTA ROSA
THEY’LL BE WATCHIN’ HER AND KEEPIN’ SCORE
ON A TYPICAL HIGH SCHOOL SENIOR
GOLDEN GIRL OF THE SUNSHINE STATE
	Doria
WAVE AND BLOW HER A KISS
YOUR AMERICAN MISS
	Girls
THE BLONDE OR BRUNETTE 
THE MESSO SOPRANO
WHO’S A DRUM MAJORETTE
AND PLAYS THE PIANO
SHE’S THE ONE ON THE LEFT
JUST OUT OF HER BRACES
SHE’S THE ONE WITH THE CLEFT
THE FRESHEST OF FACES
HAVE YOU SPOTTED HER YET
THE ONE WHO THE WINNER WILL BE?
LOOK CLOSE, SHE’S ME!