Gus: The Theatre Cat Lyrics

Jellylorum: GUS IS THE CAT AT THE THEATRE DOOR
            HIS NAME, AS I OUGHT TO HAVE TOLD YOU BEFORE
            IS REALLY ASPARAGUS, BUT THAT'S SUCHH A FUSS
            TO PRONOUNCE THAT WE USUALLY CALL HIM JUST GUS
            HIS COAT'S VERY SHABBY, HE'S THIN AS A RAKE
            AND HE SUFFERS FROM PALSY THAT MAKES HIS PAW SHAKE
            YET HE WAS IN HIS YOUTH QUITE THE SMARTEST OF CATS
            BUT NO LONGER A TERROR TO MICE OR TO RATS
            FOR HE ISN'T THE CAT THAT HE WAS IN HIS PRIME
            THOUGH HIS NAME WAS QUITE FAMOUS, HE SAYS, IN HIS TIME
            AND WHENEVER HE JOINS HIS FRIENDS AT THEIR CLUB
            WHICH TAKES PLACE AT THE BACK OF THE NEIGHBORING PUB
            HE LOVES TO REGALE THEM, IF SOMEONE ELSE PAYS
            WITH ANECDOTES DRAWN FROM HIS PALMIEST DAYS
            FOR HE ONCE WAS A STAR OF THE HIGHEST DEGREE
            HE HAS ACTED WITH IRVING, HE HAS ACTED WITH TREE
            AND HE LIKES TO RELATE HIS SUCCESS ON THE HALLS
            WHERE THE GALLERY ONCE GAVE HIM SEVEN CAT CALLS
            BUT HIS GRANDEST CREATION, AS HE LOVES TO TELL
            WAS FIREFROREFIDDLE, THE FIEND OF THE FELL
Gus:        I HAVE PLAYED, IN MY TIME, EVERY POSSIBLE PART
            AND I USED TO KNOW SEVENTY SPEECHES BY HEART 
            I'D EXTEMPORIZE BACK-CHAT, I KNEW HOW TO GAG
            AND I KNEW HOW TO LET THE CAT OUT OF THE BAG
            I KNEW HOW TO ACT WITH MY BACK AND MY TAIL
            WITH AN HOUR OF REHEARSAL, I NEVER COULD FAIL
            I'D A VOICE THAT WOULD SOFTEN THE HARDEST OF HEARTS
            WHETHER I TOOK THE LEAD, OR IN CHARACTER PARTS
            I HAVE SAT BY THE BEDSIDE OF POOR LITTLE NELL
            WHEN THE CURFEW WAS RUNG, THEN I SWUNG ON THE BALL
            IN THE PANTOMIME SEASON, I NEVER FELL FLAT
            AND I ONCE UNDERSTUDIED DICK WHITTINGTON'S CAT
            BUT MY GRANDEST CREATION, AS HISTORY WILL TELL
            WAS FIREFROREFIDDLE, THE FIEND OF THE FELL
Jellylorum: THEN IF SOMEONE WILL GIVE HIM A TOOTHFUL OF GIN
            HE WILL TELL HOW HE ONCE PLAYED A PART IN EAST LYNNE
            AT A SHAKESPEARE PERFORMANCE, HE ONCE WALKED ON PAT
            WHEN SOME ACTOR SUGGESTED THE NEED FOR A CAT
Gus:        AND I THINK THAT I STILL CAN, MUCH BETTER THAN MOST
            PRODUCE BLOOD-CURDLING NOISES TO BRING ON THE GHOST
            AND I ONCE CROSSED THE STAGE ON A TELEGRAPH WIRE
            TO RESCUE A CHILD WHEN A HOUSE WAS ON FIRE
            AND I SAY THAT THESE KITTENS, THEY DO NOT GET TRAINED
            AS WE DID IN THE DAYS WHEN VICTORIA REIGNED
            THEY NEVER GET DRILLED IN A REGULAR TROUPE
            AND THEY THINK THEY ARE SMART JUST TO JUMP THROUGH A HOOP
Jellylorum: AND HE SAYS AS HE SCRATCHES HIMSELF WITH HIS CLAWS
Gus:        WELL, THE THEATRE'S CERTAINLY NOT WHAT IT WAS
            THESE MODERN PRODUCTIONS ARE ALL VERY WELL
            BUT THERE'S NOTHING TO EQUAL, FROM WHAT I HEAR TELL
            THAT MOMENT OF MYSTERY
            WHEN I MADE HISTORY
            AS FIREFROREFIDDLE, THE FIEND OF THE FELL
            I ONCE PLAYED GROWLTIGER, COULD DO IT AGAIN ...
            COULD DO IT AGAIN ...
            COULD DO IT AGAIN ...